It’s been a long while since I last posted. I write this blog today as a message for myself and anyone who needs to be encouraged and reminded of what brings YOU joy. The activities you love but didn’t pursue and the acceptance of behavior you’ve had in the past that took you away from your creativity are in the past. Today is a new day!

This is for the people who doubt themselves as an artist, or don’t think their doodles (paintings, writings, crafting, music, etc) are “really” art. Those that have been afraid to show up for themselves and those who were burnt out or lost faith in their abilities.

You are not alone.

You’d be surprised how many creatives feel (or felt) this way at different times in their lives. Many times, it was before an amazing breakthrough or genius idea.

Here’s the thing, if you feel like you let yourself down or that you’re not pursuing the creativity that makes your heart sing, it’s not too late.

As Imani Cohen “The HoodHealer” has said, “If you have breath [in your body], you have options”. You can choose to restart and lock in today. We can choose to make different choices. We can choose to trust ourselves and show ourselves that we are who we say we are. For better or worse lol.

I have always had a good work ethic, I love to learn, I love teaching and showing others how they can try different approaches to accomplish goals.

However, that sentiment didn’t consistently reflect in my own art or life. I felt I needed permission to just play, permission to be creative without an end goal. I would put off having fun creating because of “responsibility”. Or, anxiety about whether what I created was “good enough”. Getting good takes practice. Which means you have to try and sometimes fail. Each time, you learn more and eventually, that project or expertise will be what you hoped for or better.

Over time, this denial of self becomes a silent weapon that you turn on yourself. We have taught ourselves consciously or subconsciously that our needs, dreams, goals, desires aren’t as important as other’s needs, goals and dreams.

The need to create is within you. It is a part of the fabric that makes up you. Denying that is denying your inner child. That is denial of self. That inner child still loves to dream big, play and create from their imagination just for the fun of it. No expectations, just the feeling of making something your own.

I decided to change the trajectory I was on of living unhappy and unfulfilled. I started small. Something low stakes. I told myself that if I can consistently stick to one thing for 6 months to a year straight, it would prove to me that I’m still here, still trying. Still fighting.

I would begin to build up trust in myself again.

You know what I chose? Duolingo, lol. I decided to freshen up some language skills and learn a new one. I started with one quick lesson a day. That day turned into months and months turned into years. I’m on day 1,520 as I write this post!

Once I saw that I could consistently stick to one thing, I began to add other challenges. Now I’m ready to create again and give myself more reasons to emerge and grow not only as a person but as an artist. A human still learning, still trying.

I’m going to start posting the art classes I’m taking, some of my projects and/or thoughts about the work. To fall in love with being a beginner and gaining new skills is to fall in love with your own journey.

As I post more, I will add more pages that separate my interests. You may like drawing but not care for sewing or lasers, or jewelry, etc. There should be something of interest for most. If not, thank you for stopping by.

I hope you continue choosing yourself and learn something new. Make your inner child proud.

TL;DR Give yourself a chance to explore what you loved as a child. Trust yourself, start small and stick to it.

Regards, BPM – Nichole