Double Minded

I have been walking around double minded for as long as I can remember. One day I feel confident in who and what I am and what I create (especially food — those that know me, know the girl can cook!). The next day, I barely want to get out of bad for fear that people will see that I’m a fraud, not creative or interesting and can’t do anything.

For those of you who are new to this blog, I’m creating something art slanted and posting it everyday for the next year. Since I’ve started working towards this goal, I realize I’m not always where I want to be artistically, emotionally or otherwise. But here’s the good news; I’m not going to stop.

The train has left the station and there are no brakes.

Every step towards my first love is slowly rearranging other areas in my life for the better. It’s as if life’s distractions, fears and troubles were a snake that bit me. Poisoning everything as far as the eye can see. But the act of creating is like the medicine that’s curing me. Or I should say that using the gifts and inclinations that God put in me are curing me.

I’ve made a decision. The definition of a decision – the act of or need for making up one’s mind. I decided to put a stop to that mixed up way of thinking. No good can come from going back and forth. I need to look forward. That’s the only way I can grow as an artist and as person. A happy, well-adjusted person at least.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorites books, Dune, by Frank Herbert:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”